Aussie Wendell

I've taken it upon myself to conduct some thoroughly unscientific, qualitative research regarding Australian sentiments of/toward America/Americans. I'll come up with some issues, hypotheses and an executive summary to share with you at some point (my vain attempt at humour on a Monday morning), but let me give you a little background information/data...

I've been living here for almost 8 months now and this is not the same Australia that I first visited back in 1993, but then again, neither is America; both have taken political steps (together & respectively) that seem to have turned these two forward-thinking countries backwards in many ways. We (Americans) were once treated like brothers in a tightly-knit fraternity, but that has changed a bit. Don't get me wrong, Aussies still like us, but they wonder (as do I) how a country like America could be led by someone like George Bush. He has definitely put a strain on our relationship as two countries, as well as for people like me, living in Australia. I received a compliment (?) from a friend yesterday who said I was not like most Americans...who tend to be:
1) Living in an insular world, not yearning to know more about the world ouside of America
2) Loud
3) Obnoxious
4) Materialistic
5) Fat & lazy
etc. etc. Of course that is/was a generalization, but it is how many of us are viewed here. Anyway, back to my study...yes, it is a different world we are living in, and unfortunately, Iraq has proven to be the straw that broke the camel's back. Australia's close ties with America militarily have cost the Howard government so much in terms of respect, but unlike America where if you are against the Iraq war or even question it, you are unpatriotic & un-American, here, it is inherently Australian to question the government about everything. Anyway, I'm rambling. I guess I'll summarize with a bit of humour. I came across this on the internet (isn't that where everything comes from these days) and while funny, very true.

Australians: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Australians: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Australians: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
Australians: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Australians: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English."
Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Australians: Add "G'day," "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Australians: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Australians: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
Australians: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.